dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
