If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
