I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dicks are not precious.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
