I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
