Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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