Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
