20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
