I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
