On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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