did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im six kinds of drunk right now
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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