she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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