Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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