One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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