I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
