I want to have your abortion
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
