If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So much Jack, so little girl.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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