So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
