dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
