he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
