So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
