i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
