capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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