did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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