Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
