Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
