The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just invented taco cereal.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
