this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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