My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
