I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
