I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
honey bunches of taint.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
