party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Enjoy the penises
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
