I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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