Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
