I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
