I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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