i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
