I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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