I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found puke in my bra..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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