I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
