I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
