If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
