there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
