We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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