I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two words: blizzard sex
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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