That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
