i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
