where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
