apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
