I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
