i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is classic penis vs brain.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dicks are not precious.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
