don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
