Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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