i don't like sucking hair
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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